How ya doing?

I'm not really sad. I'm actually very content. I guess the word for my mood right now is reflective.

I only have about 4.5 years before my baby moves out of state to go to the university of her choice. I am completely supportive of her decision and choice. In fact, she's inherited two diseases from me that I did not even know that I have because the symptoms are not prominent in me at all. This news just increases my desire for her to travel and do as much as she can with her life while she can. Just in case...you know...should she develop anything similar to my panic disorder with agoraphobia.

People often ask me why I didn't go to certain places that I say I always wanted to see. I tell them I had planned to do so, but I was waiting until my child was old enough to go with us and enjoy those places, too. But I can't say that I didn't know that I might not have more time. I had learned that lesson all too well from the many early deaths of others in my life. I guess I just thought that it would be a sudden death or anything else besides something mental keeping me from living my life the way I intended.

I've improved vastly. As I said, I'm very content these days. I'm soaking up every moment I can of life right now, especially with my daughter. I'm also trying to connect with who I was before I had my daughter. I don't want to be exactly that person, but I do want to bring back some of those things I did back then. I'm kidding myself that the transition will be easier when she leaves if I've already started to form the life that I will be living once she's gone--similar to the life I had before she was here.

So, how ya doing?